Sunday, May 06, 2012

Cinco de Mayo!

A political and philosophical interlude...

 So, first off... HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!

For whatever its worth... we give thanks to the mexicans for helping us become the superpower we are today.

in a way its tragic though.... their miracle victory in fact caused their ultimate defeat. the french would have created an American empire out of the tattered and defeated mexicans, the northern US States would have never had the power to win gettysburg against the french reinforced confederacy, nor the clout to create a manifest destiny and expand across the west. They would be weak and vulnerable which would have probably resulted in an invasion by the British in Montreal to retake the northern colonies (if the french didnt manage it first, or the confederacy)... which would have ultimately most likely created a second french-british war (ie the french and indian war better known as the 7 yrs war) in the americas and either the Spanish or the Russians would reclaim the west (that is of course if the natives weren't able to successfully unite because they had more time and weaker and less motivated enemies)

wow.... democracy had a short run in that historical scenario.

Sometimes I wonder though if we would have been better off. its interesting to extrapolate even further the implications. Assuming European events were not derailed, what would have happened with the rise of fascism and communism? (As an aside... somehow this is making me believe in parallel universes.) I question if we would still have the same technology (WWI and WWII were huge in our advancements)? the same world problems like AIDS or poverty? would we have lots of little democratic nations (is democratic revolution inevitable)or dictators and kings as we have lived under or the last several thousand years?? would we be in the same place politically and economically as africa, or be a continent like south america... or would the north american continent have produced and added a multi-poled power structure to world political structures?

It does make me wonder though, what is better... our current relative world peace through what i believe is oppression and hegemony as a result of homogenization, or self-actualization of smaller more diverse countries from surviving loss, bloodshed, countless wars, and no clear victor? If the battle on May 5th never happened the way it did and france won, the north american political landscape would never have resulted in this giant, belabored democratic hegemonic empire that we are today. Orson Welles scripted in his films that " Italy they had warfare, terror, murder, bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo Da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love. They had 500 years of democracy and peace… and what did that produce? The coo-coo clock!” I guess my answer (what is better) comes down to what you value more... peace or self- actualization.

What is peace though?

an absence of violence? Calm despite the storm? Co-operation? A lack of diversity or growth?

Buddhism and many other spiritual disciplines teach that we grow and come to peace when our hearts are at peace. Yet our society says that peace is the absence of conflict and in order to reduce conflict, you must control your environment and what is causing you inner turmoil. Is it possible to have peace if we constantly seek growth but are unable to grow from an internal self-regulation and enlightenment?? Is growth only obtained though domination and control of our external environment, or can the drive to grow and change be cultivated from within?

The American Founders believed that religion and democracy were inseparable because democracy was unobtainable unless it's populace was religious. The foundation upon which American Democracy rests is that the populace has a responsibility towards self-growth, edification, and spiritual enlightenment. Religion is necessary for those unable to do so independently. They believed that when Religion no longer is able to encourage our children to learn, live lives of personal and embodied responsibility, and have an open and nonjudgmental mind, our nation can no longer be a democracy. I believe it just becomes a mockery. Our elected officials are charged to bring the voice of the average American to the table of debate to create the laws by which we live by. We cannot blame them for a job poorly done, for most only do what they were meant to do and asked to do, while the few remaining are beyond the understanding of the average and their work will remain unfinished, undervalued, and ridiculed to our own peril. What can save us? I hate to say this... but religious education. The challenge: a religious education that encourages our children to learn, live lives of personal and embodied responsibility, and have an open and nonjudgmental mind, because clearly our secular one failed... (idealistically, we actually create a secular education that results in self-growth, edification, and spiritual enlightenment... just like our founding fathers were striven so hard to do).

you see, we can only gain peace when our hearts and minds are not at war. The dahli lama often says "the mind can rationalize fighting back...but the heart, the heart would never understand. Then you would be divided in yourself, the heart and the mind, and the war would be inside you". When we are able to live within ourselves mindfully and fully embodied so that our minds and bodies are not at war, we are open to our higher purpose and are capable of holding each other in loving grace. With loving grace we naturally seek resolution of conflict, and also forgiveness of trespasses and those who trespass against us. We gain liberty (the ability to choose our life choices for ourselves... self-determination) and are able to live towards freedom (a life where we are not predictable and not controlled). But with freedom, our founding fathers believed it is our duty to learn; to become educated. Through this you then gain the most valuable liberty known to man... the vote. This is what our nations founders believed our nation was to be founded on. To live in a democracy it is our duty to live lives of internal peace, societal cooperation, and devotion to humanities intellectual discoveries so that we can have the right to vote. The vote requires great responsibility. It is not free and not to be taken for granted.

If the Mexican's had not won their battle on May 5th, we may have lost the democracy our founders founded. But we would have gained the ability to become self actualized. It would have probably led to more wars, but through war would come peace. Instead the battle of Puebla created peace and through peace, we have created war. Our path is unsustainable. Our planet dying. Our political and economic and health systems broken. A world loosing its diversity; homogenizing; lost and overcrowded. Would we have been better off if the Mexican's lost? I don't know. We never would Know. But perhaps the small chance that it could be gives me hope. At the very least, if humanity needs to send someone back in time to a single moment to save the world by changing the course of history, I vote for the town of Puebla in 1862. I think its got a chance. lol.

Thursday, May 03, 2012

Two Spirit

I've been exploring the spirituality behind the Two-spirit is an excellent description!

The Two Spirit tradition is primarily a question of gender, not sexual orientation. Sexual orientation describes the relationship a person of one gender has with another gendered person. Gender describes an individual’s expected role within a community.

 People of Two Spirit gender functioned as crafts-people, shamans, medicinegivers, mediators, and/or social workers. In many American Indian communities, men and women styles of speech were distinct; sometimes even different dialects were spoken. The Two Spirit people knew how to speak both in the men and women’s ways. They were the only ones allowed to go between the men’s and the women’s camps. They brokered marriages, divorces, settled arguments, and fostered open lines of communication between the sexes. Their proficiency in mediation often included their work as communicators between the seen (physical) and un-seen (spiritual) worlds. Many of the great visionaries, dreamers, shamans, or medicine givers were Two Spirit people. In some traditions, a war party could not be dispatched until their Two Spirit person consulted the spirits of the un-seen world and then gave their blessings. In the Lakota tradition, before any war party’s departure, the party preformed a dance with the Two Spirit person at the center of the circle to show their respect and honor. It is traditional to present gifts at gatherings to those who exemplify the “spirit” of the community or who have done the most for the community. Two Spirit people were respected and honored with gifts when they attended gatherings. They did not keep the gifts, but passed them on to spread the wealth. In this respect, Two Spirit people were similar to modern day social workers. When a family was not properly raising their children, the Two Spirit person would intervene and assume the responsibly as the primary caretaker. Sometimes, families would ask the Two Spirit person for help rearing their children. This unique role of social worker was specific to Two Spirit people, for they had an excess of material wealth as a result of the gifts they received.


Wednesday, May 02, 2012


I'm gunna be on 20/20 because BEING BIGENDER IS JUST THAT AWESOME! Chatting with NPR this week, and have been referenced on the Scientific American blog, and Huffington Post so far. :-D

The media attention since the study was published in February has been surprising to me... Overall, I personally think that any media attention is good as long as we are not framed as delusional or broken or something like that. The big news outlets are trying to do interest pieces since Dr. Rama is not permitting any more reports on the study. I'm a bit taken aback by the questions about relationships the 20/20 guy kept coming back to. He had been through all of my videos too. I'm excited about the whole thing but feeling cautious. He said I was the 5th interview he had done.

will keep y'all updated....

Friday, April 27, 2012


"When you witness a miracle, it is hard to not have hope, even in the face of senseless violence. Be humble to the power of love, mercy, and grace in the wake of hope. Do not let fear and guilt and sorrow prevent you from walking the path of enlightenment. The power of the heart is the greatest force on earth, but only if you let it be."

"the tears, guilt, and fear in our life remind us how much we care."

Neighbor just went through the window. For a minute, i didnt know if i was going to find a dead body outside my door.

I simply just can't live here anymore. It's time to move on!  They were fighting again. I hope this results in their drunk asses finally getting evicted.  Seriously... im on the phone with the police or landlord just about once every 6 months about something major..

Thursday, April 26, 2012


so, im thinking out loud here after reading these two blog posts..... ... -deep.html ... lypse.html

since identifying as bigender, I have found it difficult to relate with feminist concepts. Perhaps it is seeing both sides of the fence. I think there are some really good points made in those blog posts. My gut reaction is actually "thank god I'm gay''... being in a same sex family would seem to eliminate/reduce some of the problems that directly impact me personally! I want to be the bread winner. i also want to be a 
mom... but not in the same sense as a single cis-woman. the challenge as a bigender individual for me is how do i gain a strong positive male identity through my actions and place in society (ie: a professional in private practice, a politician, and a scientist) yet stay rooted in/retain a circle of female friends and maintain a strong female identity. i approach work in a very male way and home in a very female way (in the context/definition of the blog posts) and that is the way i like it and want it. im not trying to be everything and everyone for everybody, i am simply career driven but also capable of switching gears and dialectically being not career driven. being faab, being with a cis-guy would put him at risk of being in competition with me for "the" male role of the relationship and expecting him to share the "female role" (if he chose to take it up... and i have had a few relationships fall apart on me for this very reason). being in a relationship with a woman potentially could more compatibly allow me to be the breadwinner and also share the mother role.

i wonder what solutions to living in gender roles and negotiating creating/retaining/thriving in their multiple gender identities exist? do you think it is possible to successfully create/retain/thrive in TWO gender roles as pertains to living as two genders? or is this an ideal and not realistically possible because whether we realize it or not society forces us to relate to our attempt at two distinct gender roles as one gender resulting in the cis-gender "epic fail" that the blog post so graphically describes of trying to fill both roles but essentially not being able to because we are designed to function within specific gender roles.

*note: i realize this post is laced with assumptions and messy semantics and perhaps not so politically correct language, but i was attempting to frame my thoughts using the same set of biases used by the blog author. 

Friday, April 20, 2012



Here is another fascinating (and sad) study.

“These findings aren’t just groundbreaking ... they are a call to action. No one should have to get up in the morning fearing they will be denied a job [76%], abused by police [31%], mistreated by a doctor [36%] or attacked while walking down the street [32%] simply because of their gender identity and expression. For genderqueer people, this is a harsh and unacceptable reality.”  

‎"The results stunned even those working in the trenches with the most targeted and marginalized transgender people. Despite having attended college or gained a college degree or higher at 1.74 times the rate of the general population (47 percent versus 27 percent), respondents revealed brutal impacts of discrimination, experiencing unemployment at twice the rate and living in extreme poverty ($10,000 annually or less) at four times the rate of the general population. These and other experiences impacted study participants gravely, as 41 percent report having survived a suicide attempt."percent), respondents revealed brutal impacts of discrimination, experiencing unemployment at twice the rate and living in extreme poverty ($10,000 annually or less) at four times the rate of the general population. These and other experiences impacted study participants gravely, as 41 percent report having survived a suicide attempt."

Monday, April 09, 2012

Bigender Study

After 22 years of struggling with my gender identity and sexual orientation, I started identifying as Bigender 2 years ago. Not long after I fell into meeting a grad student under Dr. Ramachandran, famous for his work in identifying and treating phantom limbs. I convinced Laura Case to do a study on Bigender people to find out if there is any physical basis toil... ie: is it real? It was just published... take a look! Amazing!

Monday, February 27, 2012

Through the Looking Glass Scholarships

so cool! i pitched this idea to Through the Looking Glass 10 years ago after much research. It started as one grant, co-funded by the DoE. Now its grown so much!
Last call for scholarship application. They are due March 5th.

Through the Looking Glass and its National Center for Parents with Disabilities and their Families are accepting applications until March 5 for scholarships specifically for high school seniors or college students who have parents with disabilities. A total of fifteen $1000 scholarships will be given out Fall 2012. These scholarships are part of Through the Looking Glass’ National Center for Parents with Disabilities and their Families. There are separate eligibility requirements for high school seniors and for college students:

Sunday, February 12, 2012

What would I do with my life?

If I could envision a good life to want to live, I would...

own my own business (or 2 or 3!)
live in a sun-filled cozy home with a large garden, art studio, library, and kitchen
travel abroad yearly
have health insurance
see my acupuncturist and massage therapist at least weekly

AND, I would go to school forever....
personal training
alcohol & drug counseling
yoga practitioner
movement therapy training
art school